Frustration

Many things that boggle my mind about faith and life are those that you can't change for any spiritually valuable reason. Something that is forcefully holding you back or down, without rational purpose or meaning, it is in fact a lack of meaning. These things have helped me develop my peculiar individualized stance on faith and the human experience.
My example here is my stomach/blood sugar problem that causes me pointless misery everyday for hours, for no good reason. It has stolen countless hours of my life, and makes me insecure not from any lack of personal strength, but from a purely physical lack of blood flow. I can't function, concentrate, or remember, and I question all of those things that I normally am confident of in myself, because I am what I believe to be low on blood sugar. Then, all of the sudden, a few hours after digestion, I return! Confident and beautiful, clever, wise, and funny. No mental change manifested this, there is no mind over matter here, but only something purely physical bewitching me! I use the term bewitch for some sort of comedic irony. I can do nothing about this problem, at least for the moment, and it keeps me from being myself and growing a lot of times. I would elaborate further, but I am so sick of talking about this problem that it wouldn't be any fun to read about.
So, what does something like this make me believe? It makes me have faith not in God, but in us. I am a true humanist, except this includes animals too, lol. We have things that cause us so much pain that they make no sense, because the universe is not a perfect plan, it is quite random, in fact. We as spiritual beings, we as humans, have been trying to make this existence less painful, we are attempting to get rid of the pointless pain that keeps us from growing forward. That is what this pain means to me, it means that we are god, and we have to make the difference. I don't mean that pompously, but literally.
This supports my very understanding of the meaning of life. It leads me to believe that God, or Energy as I call it, which is actually a just as endearing, infinite, and beautiful term is not conscious. Energy is not conscious, only when it interacts with matter quite thoroughly does it attain some level of consciousness, and that my friends is us. This pointless pain doesn't mean that life is absurd by any means, but instead that life creates its own meaning. Life must stop these absurdities, and it is doing so, first slowly and now quickly.
Often times absurd pain tends to create an attitude of nihilism. This is ridiculous to me, because it completely denies the meaning of the human spirit, and assumes that if energy is not conscious then things are pointless. Things are of the up most meaning in this place, and if they aren't we are working to change that, there are people working to help me with my absurd pain, and create something meaningful out of it, so that we can grow, and just be, living at peace with conscious meaningful interaction. This does happen once in a while, until the absurdity comes along. Do me a favor, don't be the absurd, be the meaning. We are the most powerful beings in the known universe, use this strength wisely.