Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Amazing Day

It doesn't take much for me to have a great day. I barely remembered that, and so many little things usually bother me I thought I had changed, but yesterday it all came back. Somehow, some cause of unknown origin just let me be. I was not in my head for the first time in years, and it was so easy. Everything was easy, even bad stuff, I just didn't care because I was sooo happy not to be in my head. I know that it is not a choice, I have been okay with being in my head, and learned to cope with it for so long I thought it was a permanent condition. Yesterday was the dawn of a new awakening, it could be from exercising, going veggitarian for a week, or the almost extinction of my smoking habit, but it was not from me. It could be from a food allergy lapse, perhaps I managed to stay away from whatever it was that has been driving me nuts for the last year, but it happened.
Now I can repeat what I have been doing and weed it out, and find out how to permanentely stay with my body. To feel like I am on the outside of my flesh, to feel the outside of my face instead of the inside of my head. This is the greatest gift for me, so simple and so necessary for living. I knew that there has been something wrong with me for so long, and now I am on top of it. I am not insecure when I am with myself, out of my head, and home. I never thought it would come back, but it's here to stay. People suffer for the silliest reasons, a lot of times they are thier own fault, many times not. I had been under the impression that it was me, that i was just not comfortable, and had to grow out of it, but now I know that it was something physical, I've always been fine with myself. This is an amazing relief.
Just in time to! My book is out! I got a new car, and check it, it's a Kia, which I was origianlly not wild about given their history. Now, they are actually pretty rockin cars, and I found out that the word Kia means "coming out into the world," just in time for the personal symbolism. I am coming out into the world, and this time I have the knowledge of an adult. I might get stuck back into my head, but I think this is for real. It is finally my time to shine, and I am excited to be again. Life is something I haven't been able to feel right for a while, but now that I can its pretty cool.
Later

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